Rainy Day

Hello everybody it has been a pretty crummy week weather wise, lots of rain and that means lots of hobo on hobo violence outside so as per protocols we've locked all the doors. Well as you can probably imagine that leads to some of our mor energetic nameless inhabitants getting unruly. I was in luck though because I found this webersite and it lets you cretae things for some gas station so they can go to Alaska and cut holes in the rocks or ice or whatever they have up there i dont know from the pictures it looks like lots of ice and water can anyone confirm if alasker is made of liquid water and then when the cold wind comes it freezes into a continent? I've never seen it and only just heard of it a few times I heard there's lots of people up there that freeze to death due to the cold water and wolfs that can walk on water or at least swim in it without too much trouble and when the summer comes the ice thaws and all the wolfs that were trapped in/under the ice are freed and some wolfs up there even life for thousands of years because they spent most of their time trapped in ice. anyway I wish I thought of the possibilities first because I guess there's lots of money to be made cutting holes up there

So everyone was bored and I decided to let them use my laptop and then they could all make ads for this thing so they could get their words out there into the internet which is alsmot as good as getting their words out there into the worldnet (real world) because I guess theres a lots of old people on the internet because of the way most people type and what they have to type about because I guess old people have lots of time on their hands or maybe they are just very good at typing i dont know; i dont want to stereotype old people I know thats not a fair thing to do to anyone because everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves in your eyes regardless of what similar people have rendered untoward you in the past (in my personal experience I have been issued several lawsuits by old people so its very hard for me to not seterotype them all) and maybe the old people outside this place are good typers because they spent years typing on typing machines during world ward 2. We even got a new resident this week, T. "Chicken" Jones, and he had a LOT to say about all this.

 Frisbee, ugh.

 T. Chickens JOnes

got this cool one in an email from "DJAM@yahoo.com" thanks Dj!

 'Nam vet

 T. Chicken Jones

 Theoden

 T. Chicken Jones

 T. Chicken Jones collaboration with that man who is fat and a tree (he is still alive I guess, somehow)

 WHEELS WAOOOOOO!

 Grisbee did this one

 Frisbee did this dumb dog one I dont know what an acrtit wolf looks like so i dont know

WHEELS DID THIS ONE SHE WAS THE WINNER! 1ST PLACE!

BSOX

so I was reading about black sniper ops xcore some scret stuff very professional there saw a bunch of vids on utube gguys running through some city and sneaks into this building right like all covert like okay hes now in the main room the lobby i guess and no one is around he thinks this is strange so he throws a flashbang and anyway the flashbang jacks up the camera real bad and you cant see anything but you can hear his 50 cal being dischaqrged, dogs barking children screaming exploding vid ends w someone simply saying "Oh."

oh i forgot to mention that there was a janitor near the end who screamed THIS IS A BANK THIS IS A SUNDAY, leading to the black sniper op xcore marine say "Oh."

                    BSOX (Black sniper ops Xcore) vindeo sekqual would be BSOX whenis honorably discharged from the marines because of his drinking problem very serious stuff so he goes to Great Britain to join the royl goard but first got ta must contend with his past so he also secretly goes around the country Bsox style, blowin up bars and liquor factories over their taking out the root of the problem, but at heart he'wass a good man he goes through all the training for the royal guard and really buffs up because of all that marine + royal guard training so all the girls want to dathim because what else do they have only a bunch of british guys going 'TALLY HO' who wants to deal with that? No one BSOX all he really wants is a cure to his disease and that cure is hist trusty 50 cal
and flashbags

It's also really cool that the janitor from BSOX 1 is following him and the janitor also has a drinking problem but to a much lesser degree than BSOX but still it's there sometimes we can all relate to our enemies at least in relative terms

well of course this is ver realy and serious just utub bsox itll be there he has many vidos i have seen the futore bsox is running through the cities again, running through britain and scotland and political chrina all of the homes and places he used to live and lay his head and then he comes at last to the bank and has horrible flashbacks and he whispers WHERE ARE YOU JANITOR WHERE ARE YOU but all things end and all janitors die with no regard for the world they leave behind them and so it was that valdez the janitor left the world confused and full of hatred this is my final mission he runs into the bank but now its full of people and the people look and bsox looks back and silence oh the silence and then the flash and the bang and in the morning the bank was still standing, alone for it was the lastbuilding on planet earth bsox had just saved the buildings from extinction at the hands of humans but such freedom carries a heavy price and so every person in that bank died. AND SO IT WAS THAT VALDEX THE JANITOR HAD DEFEATED THE BANKING SYSEM.

 May 1st. Redgaurd History Month

 

Roots

I've seen a lots of things in my days; puppies first opening their eyes on some misty August morning, homeless children fighting over a bag of trash, children losing a trash bag in the middle of the street, trash bags floating in the wind, a ghost child floating in the wind, ambulances, a very nice police man. I've seen tri snakes and bi snakes and just plain old snakes, I've seen old people come and go an, god, their names haunt me still.

But there was a time that I wasn't so adventurous or well travelled, a time before I got into this business, before I even knew about places for old people, and to be honset I knew so little of anything. Time passed, as it must, and each year left its own disfiguring scar upon my once undefiled figure, and slowly I  began to see.

It all began with them puppies I was talking about opening their little eyes for the very first time. It was a bitterly cold January afternoon. I was still but a little puppy opening my eyes for the very first time myself. The bridge above us groaned with traffic, but between this and the howling wind, I thing I remember hearing them dogs mew, and I was so excited, and no one was there but me and homeless Jim. These were his dogs (his dog was named Jomeless) pups, and I don't know where Jomeless was this particular moment but homeless Jim rubbed his hands together against the cold and snorted a whole bunch at these pups. He then reached into his tramp bag and pulled out some catnips and handed them to me and we sprinkled them over the pups and threw the plastic bag he kept the nips in into his trampfire (similar to a campfire but with homeless friendly materials and a barrel) and we waited for the nips to do their magic. We sat there in the shadow of that colossal bridge for a time, still waiting, and it began to snow. Homeless Jim jumped up and started hootin and hollerin, and took off his ratty bandana and started spinning it around over his head like a lasso doing some weird hobo dance. He kept this up for a while, getting louder with every other jump, and it he was just screaming and dancing and pointing at the snow shouting "YEEEEHAW YALL YEEEEHAW WE RICH!" And then, and I will never forget this, Homeless Jim looked at me straight in my eyes and stopped dancing. He stood there, trampfire throwing tramp embers into his beard and face, but he kept looking at me like he was surprised to see me even tho i had been standing there the entire time and I had even woken him up from his near death frozen slumber just a little time before this.

He crouched down behind the barrel,and every so often he would peek his head out to see if I were still there and upon seeing that I was would slip behind the barrel so quickly the barrel would shake and once I thought it would surely tumble ovre. After doing this  afew times he slowly rose to his feet, keeping the tramp fire between us, and, still looking me square in the eyes, lowered his hands deep into the barrel/ Flame clung to his beard and without a single indication of pain during this whole thing, he slowly brought his burning hands to his burning face and scowled as he screamed, "I RICH," and blew a couple of enbers in my general direction. He kept repeating, "I RICH, I RICH" and I dont think he blinked one time during this time. Them pups were going nuts now due to the nip, and in the distance, in the driving snow, I could see the tired silhouttes of a band of homelss peoples, coming for the puppies in order to complete the joining ceremony (every homeless person gets a dog thru the homeless ceremony it is actually very nice) but not wanting to have them believe I was there to steal their endless treasures, I left. Long after having left the shadows and groaning of that bridge, I swear I heard a man howling, "I RICH." To this day, I sometimeshear, carried on the wind, a scream quieted by distance and interference, but always I know what it says... "I RICH."


Some artits renders courteys of my good friend John Botchkins

KIBBLES OVER SYRIA

Hey folks this is an emergency post, Syria needs your help. As you might now, things in Syria aren't going to well and lots of people are put into a very difficult spots. I'm not a military minded man, so I can't just pick up my BB gun and go over and show them Syrians a thing or two about how to fight and show them stealthwerks tactics (if you are Syrian or any other type of person please feel free to use my previous stealthwerks tips as your country spirals uncontrollably into civil war as the great UN stands by and watches the horror with naught but an disinterested glare but please be honest about it and give the credits where they are do thank you and also remember that they might be dangerous to you as you have not undergone the intense trainings YOU HAVE BEEN FOREWARNED; I WILL NOT UPDATE NEW STEALTHWERKS TIPS AT THIS TIME I AM SORRY THANK YOU)

aNY how, I think it's time to try and reinstate the kibbles drive. Even though last time was a devastating failure, I said we'd get em next time well this is next time and the world needs your kibbles. I have an old (he's very old) friend who flew a crop duster once. Well I've been hard at work making my own crop duster fleet. That's not going too well because no one around here even has any kind of engineering degree or even a degree in math and most of us don't have a degree at all; also there is the metal shortage still going on because the homeless people out back have baried it all and are now camping out on top of that precious man-made metal deposit LOOK IM SORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING PLEASE LET THE PAST BE THE PAST AND LET ME DIG UP THE METAL SHEETS PLEASE. They also have stolen all of the mining picks so now the Twilight Undermine can't function and everyon'es on strike and I honestly am at my wits end about that. OTher than these issues it is going well and we have one cropduster. So now I just n eed your kibbles and bits, so we can load up that plane with tonnes of kibbes and one dusty old man and send him off to Syria to drop off some emergency care kibble packages to those who need it most.

Need FREE kibbles? Here you go!
http://www.freekibble.com/default.asp
Sned Syria your kibbles!

IDEA FOR INTERNET DATING SITE: JesusGotNailedAndSoCanYou.Com

IF THERES ONE THING OLD GUYS AND GALS LIKE MORE THANGOING TO CHURCH ITS INTERNET DATING CONFIRMEDFACT. WHY NOT COMBINE THE PRAISE JESUS WHILE READING OUR DAILY BREAD (THE DAILY -B- LITERALLY AN OLD WOMAN WHO LIVES IN OUR HOME I NAMED BREAD WHO WRITES A BLOG ABOUT THE SINGLEL IFES) AND CHURCH HUMS PLAYING [d: insert< MIDIFILES.CHURCDHUMS.EXL] AND EMAIL SETTINGS, THINGS LIKE OLD PPL LIKE TO WRITE IN EMAIL ABOUT CATS, TYPES OF SOUP AND DIFFERENT KINDS OF SOUPS ON DATES this is going to be on the front of the websit.

You will be able to set up your grandpa or any your dads you have and set them up on an edate. First edate is free second is extremely expensive (getting old people hooked on edates) and you and yours entitiled to 1one free efuneral but you BUT ONLY ONE FREE EDATE AND EFUNERAL PER ACCOUNT IM SERIOUS

 

You may have heard in the rumor mill churning around out there about the SOAPA laws they are trying to code into the internet well make sure you DON’T ISTALL THAT SOAPA LAW (stands for STOP OUR ARE PIRACY RIGHTS) which. Today’s laws allow you an honest and just download whatever you want and sell it to your mailman ITS CALLED EARNING AN HONEST BUCK!!!

hONESTLY wHY wOULD yOU eVEN tRY tO dEfend a laws that stamp out our most primitive animale Pirate Rights you should be able to wear an eye patch if you want [d:insert<American Drems_praisethetruelordjesushums.gif] on your facebook profile [d:insert<free_efuneraldeathprofit.midifile] or wear pirate themed hats on your webresume (I do).  

Onlime pirating

WHY WOULD YOU GO TO YOUR CLOSEST RETAIL STORE AND PURCHASE THE NEXT TWOPUK ALBUM WHEN YOU COULD GO TO YOUR NEIGHBORS TRUCK BUY THAT SAME THING FOR 1 OR TWO LESS DOLLARS ITS CALLED SUPPLY AND DEMAND GENIUS (SUPPLY (z) / DEMAND (y) = TR or TOTAL RETURN or TR=Z / Y + Tangible Assessets =trade-weighted exchange rate) x

SOAPS IS ANOTHER FORM OF SOCIALISM BASICALLY. SOAPS WONT EVEN LET DONATE TO CHARITY BECAUSE SOAPS DESTROYS HOAPS™. SOAPS WILL TEACH OUR CHIULDREN NOT TO SHARE WHICH WILL MEAN INCRESD WAR OVER OUR DWINDLING PRESCIOUS MINERAL RESCOURCES FOSSIL FULES THANKS SOAPS. AND BY THEN STORM WARFARE WILL BE

ANOTHER THIHNG ABOUT STORM WARFARE – YOU THOUGHT KATRINA WAS BAD JUST THINK ABOUT WAKING UP TO AN EVEN WORSE TORNADO THAT IS WORSE THAN THE KATRINA TORNADEo WAS Storm Warefare is Worse Than Golem Warefare Or the atom bobs falling in Japan world trade towers what new fresh hell is this oh an regular American Day but instead that nice stroll you were doing with your family ur children getsucked up IN THE FLOODWAKE. WAVE GOODBYE DAD THEY HAVE BEEN TURNED TO COLD FUSION FOR CHINASE TANKS .   YOU’LL BE PRAYING TO LIVE IN NEW ORLEANS EVEN THOUGH THE FOOD THERE IS TERRIBLE

sTORM wA>

<S.JPEG

__PureRage

GETTING TOO WORKED UP EMAIL ME YOUR THOUGHTS/PRAYERS

Find Me A Demon Time-Watch or Time Shaman So I Can Reverse The Flow Of Unemployment And Get My Job Back And Also A Warding Stick If It's A Time Demon To Avoid Time Negation Thank You

What a world we live in where the old folks home you work for your heard earned buck suddenly is infested with the rampant zmobie viruses which your employers claim to have traced back to when you accidently invited that Hobo Meta-Shaman onto the premises who sprinkled his corpse rust on the nameless shouting Booga Booga Booga etc etc and then suddenly YOU are suddenly facing termination from your job. I told my boss it’s lucky that unemployment rate is at a whopping 55% percent which is worse than divorce percentages, else I would BID THIS PLACE A DO.

 Mystery Shoes

Time Baby

As the reanimated dead emanatine from forgotten corners and tombs of this home I sit staring at the Broken Laptop of Legend and memories of other jobs I had been fired from flood my visage

When I worked at the supermarket I was fired because when I was stocking Lunchables in the cold section I wanted to show off to a group of teenagers so I said Lunchables? More like HITABLES and smacked the food pouch and kicked it over four isles and it rained cracker and meat bits all over an old lady trying to buy her sweet honey tarts (Also tried to market Hitables idea the snack you can punchtm)

When I worked the night shift at Walmart they caught me rearranging the stuffed animals with my coworker Robert so that the morning customers would find a giant deviant orgy in the toy isles

I worked with a man named Bilbo who made plastic baby jesus’s in his shed and he would sell these to the churches and I was his apprentice and I would craft my jebus babbys with my golden hammer but it was really distracting because Bilbo was always blasting his political radio talkshows in the shed and I would get distracted and my babys would have hideously long arms and misshapen feet and Biblo would holler at me with his eye patch and I would have to dump the deformed Christ dolls in the river out back with the wheelbarrow.

Let me also tell you about the time I worked at The Pizza Factory and I somehow misplaced my Pizza Delivery Warmer and I didn’t know what to do but remembered that my xbox was overheating a lot but I was only able to ram 3 of teh slices into the disk drive and the smell it made was something like battery fluid and marinara sauce so I gave up and ate the rest of the pizza myself which made me feel rerally guilty for the customers but I did give them the PBOX 360

I tell you I went back to that meta-shaman and demanded he speak about the GodHead. He told me about breathing water, and the number 19. He told me of The Fish Magi of the East. I asked him what it’s like to be a god, and he said it is having unlimited power - enough to rule the world - but with no desire to use it, because you are the world. And he told me that the only one with the power to stop this plague of walking dead, this residency of zombie and rot, was a man, a holy man, a prophesier known to me.

“Frisbee”

Before disappearing forever, he told me I will enter his lair.  

   MISS YA BILBO :-(

Residents Evil

Bad news everyone. This is a very dark, dark day these are not good times. These are dark times. For years- years- possibly more years than some of you have even been alive, I have been calling the people here all kinds of warm names like, "The Nameless," and "Nameless Joe" and "Hey Get Off The Steps" and "For the last time get off the steps" and "HELLO PLEASE GET OFF OF THE STEPS" and "The Soul/Youth/Time Suckers/Lords/Thieves" and "Well I told you to get off the steps and this is why." Well my BOSS brought down the hammer on me and now due to some stupid best practices of old age homes or something new policy from on high (aka CORPORTATE THE 1%), I have to call them the "Residents" now and I'm not too pleased with this.

To top this all off, I guess one of the "Residents" somehow snuck a laptop into this place even though that's a breach of my trust and such a device is contraband here in this safe place. So now I have to go and set up all these new security laptop countermeasures and I've developed a particularly malicious whorm that will hunt down the criminal and monitor their every movement slowly draining their battery power and once this is accomplished I will throw the switch (that's what we call it here) and cut all the power to the grounds and at that point it's just a waiting game.

Oh, and finally, my BOSS shut down the rage zone. I said, how are we gonna let out of rage without the rage zone? And MY BOSS was all like, "the people here average 91 years old, they can barely eat their mush properly let alone understand a concept such as the rage zone, where two men enter and 0 or one or on some rare occasions three men leave. Rage zone has to go." Well that was a mistake because violence solves everything, at least when the problems are put to the rage zone test which is diferent than just fighting it out like uncivilized 91 years old cavemen pounding their rocks against the dirt to prove a point.

So anyway I'm sitting there thinking of ways to keep the rage zone. I figured out that maybe if we used foam swords like you know, you take the usual swords we use (they're made of solid oak they're not real don't get the wrong idea) and wrap em up in duct tape and tin foil and on the inside you fill it with red food dye so that it looks like you just threw someone into a sword grinder also you can use any color dye you want, just have to change up the scenario like if you want to be fighting fish, you would use blue dye because of the watery blood they have and if you were fighting aliens you would use green and if you were fighting panthers people you would probably use yellow or orange with a few black speks thrown in there like their coats.

Well all of a sudden, my all the monitors in my command room start to light up. Usually this means one of a few things, like another wolfs raid on the homeless shanty town in the back, or someone tried to re-activate the clay golems (they were never actived in the first place but don't tell the residents that because they get some weird glimmer of hope thinking these things can come to life) I made, and sometimes when Wheels summons the Avatar of War. Sometimes I open the comms and say, "Hey knock it off" but the wolfs dont understand and hell if the Avatar of War ever does anything I ask it to, so usually I just throw a blanket over the monitors and take a nap and usually the probelm goes away. This time, though, it was different. I threw the blanet over the monitors but a stray breeze washed over every time I put the blanket over it so that didn't work. Anyway, I start to turn the monitors off, and then I realise the one that's looking right into Montes' room is flickering a whole wild bunch so i tap the monitor and then I shut it off. Well a moment later, the my command station freaks out because I had found the lap-top criminal so I rush back to my station as fast as I can, and look to see the face of my criminal. As I had suspected, it was that old guy from 'Nam and I was tired it was 1 pm so it was time for my nap figured I'd let him have his fun for now. Montes' monitor was still flickering and now that I think about it he was staring right at the camera but I don't really care for that man so I wasn't paying great attention.
Anyway, I wake up and all the lights are out and I give myself a big pat on the  back for shutting out all the lights with my whorms. So I start to go back to my room and all the Residents are shuffling around like normal but one strikes my eye- Montes. He was running around like a wild man screaming about whatever wildmen scream about and this started to piss me off a little.

All the residents started whining and crying about this guys antics so I took it upon myself to put an end to this madmans madness so I go to the Nam guys room and take his ill gotten laptop and I go out into the middle of the cafeteria and beat Montes to within an inch of his life and then I go back to my command station and throw the laptop right out the window at the homeless people out there, but it got stolen by the wolfs pretty quick. Anyway later, my boss comes in and asks me what happened to Montes and half the residents.

And I'm like, "Someone snuck in a laptop and beat him with it to within an inch of his life because he was running around all like a crazy rabid dog screaming nonsense"

And my boss looks at me with that big, "WHAT?" look I always get, and I just shrugged. And then BOSS was like, "WHERE WERE YOU DURING THE POWER OUTAGE" and I was like in the command center trying to restor power, boss. And then it asked, DID YOU GET BIT?

And I was like no but you can bite me HA and then my boss told me that Montes' was eaten alive and that half the residents are now missing and that the other half are mostly in shock. But the honest truth is, I know where about 3 of them missing residents are. Theyre festering in the new and improved RagezoneRedux out back, guarded by wolf guards.

Who are guarded by me.