HOYS R US

SO HOYO THERE FOLKS ITS ME AGAIN, BACK FROM MY LATE BIRTHDAY VACATION I WENT TO THE CITY AND LET ME TELL YOU THEY DO THINGS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT THERE, TO THE POINT OF BEING ALIENATING. I DO NOT WISH TO RECOUNT MY NIGHTMARISH STORIES OF THERE BUT I WILL TELL YOU THIS: GUMBO THE CLOUD CLOWN I WANT MY MONEY BACK YOUR CLOWN CLOUD WAS UNIMPRESSIVE AND I STILL CANT ACCESS MY DATA I DELETED THAT DATA FROM MY COMPUTER BECAUSE I FIGURED IT WAS SAFE IN THE CLOWN CLOUD AND NOW ITS ALL GONE BUT I DO HAVE SEVERAL .GIFS OF CLOWNS DOING CLOWN THINGS  AND WHILE THESE ARE HUMOURUS GIFS AND GIVE ME SEVERAL MOMENTS OF ENTERTAINMENT THEY CAN NOT REPLACE MY DATA SO I AM WILLING TO DEMAND ONLY 97% OF MY MONEY BACK DUE TO THE ENJOYMENT I GOT FROM YOUR GIFS. I WILL CONTACT THE BBB WITHOUT WARNING OR NOTICE YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, CLOWN.

Anyway we got some new people in and boy do I take personal offense to every single one of them. It was okay at first, new faces and all that but then one of them started to rub me the wrong way and theyre all related so in the ways of my ancestors I ending up hating them all because my hero once said that we hate what we fear and we fear what we hate but in this case I don’t fear them anymore since ive found theyre harmless like small children and they act like them too so I don’t fear them I just hate them and yet I find that I am oddly drawn to them like a moth to the flames

It all started with this man named Mitch. Mitch Hoy. His name will forever haunt my dreams, and I had a dream last night where wheels came wheelin’ from the dark and scooted up to me with a spooked look on her face and with her big black eyes she jumped up out of the chair and grapped my shoulders and yelled MITCH HOY. She then took off and jumped over the canyon in my dreams, and mid way over the canyon hole she paused in mid air and spun around and screeched MITCH HOY again and flew off like a witch and the wheels turned into a bunch of snakes These are now my dreams.

Anyway im a pretty sociable feelow so I tried to talk to mitch to put an end to the madness before it got any worse (I had the dreams since the first day I met him and then I talked to him the second day), and he didn’t respond he didn’t even look at me he just looked at his lunch table deep in thought so I thought this was pretty weird. The dreams carried on, and the snakes eventually all had little prison tattoos on them saying TUNNEL HOY’S and some of them even had his hair on their snake heads and it wasn’t long before I had had enough. So, I talked to him again.

And he ignored me again. This sent me off real bad, but I didn’t want to anger his 35 family members who I forgot to mention are also now residents here and they were all sitting there but they all talked to each other so that ws fine and some even made eye contact and I said WHAT IM TRYING TO TALK TO MITCH HAVENT YOU EVERY TRIED IT WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD HES YOUR FAMILY NOT MINE and stormed off. So I had to go to grisbee and he did a little detective work for me and found out that mitch doesn’t talk to anyone not even his girlfriend. After I got over the anger and jealously of how this chump can get a girlfriend and I cant even though Ive hit on ever woman in this place, I started forming my plans. Grisbee saw that planning look on my face and begged me to stop but I kicked him out of here and onto the street and I haven’t seen him since and that’s what he gets for assosciating with that hoy man. Unacceptable.

I hits the books that I had back in college so I learned that sometimes people stop talking after a traumatic event well ill give him trauma, I thought, and from that moment on I made it my holy war that I would break that dream invader and I would force him to break his silent oath and I would teach him and everyone in here who is the boss when I speak to you, you listen and speak back if I tell you to do so you don’t invade my dreams and get away with it. Even if you don’t have the powers to invade my dreams you still get out of them or youre paying the price.

Now by this point, mitch was somehow a pretty popular guy, and due to the tourbus that has been stopping by here every Thursday screaming, “THIS IS THE PLACE WHERE DJ AM WAS KILLED THE MURDERE IS STILL AT LARGE!” people around here have been a little suspicious of me even though I’ve been cleared of all crimes so I had to get creative, and with grisbee gone here we had the truets best gift from god and that is a scapegoat and a plan which was really appreciated because I was doing poorly in the polls versus mitch.

I started small, leaving a few pieces of paper with some words on them stuck to the walls talking about “dream invaders” just to let him know that it had started and that he had a chance to knock it off and it could end right there. Of course he didn’t. so then I started calling him out saying, “break the oath, mitch” and when that didn’t work and I got really mad, I decided to go all the way and say, “MITCH HOY, YOU ARE NOT SUPERIOR” and taped that one up all over the place and I mean all over the place; couldn’t get mashed potaters without seeing that three times and I had it taped to all the tvs and tables and even wheels, whom was a true friend because when anyone would try to take it from her chair she would scoot around in a circle and smack that broom I once gave her to fight zombies on the floor real bad and then take off down the hall.

Still my plan wasn’t working, so I had to resort to something else Drastic measures and drastic men and in war, even the innocent are guilty of warcrimes. So I set out to hunt the innocent- the ones he loved. Now I know from the movies that people don’t like it when people go after their loved ones, and no one else likes it either aside from the bad guy who seems to get a pretty good kick out of it but I would remind you that this is not a movie and mitch is the bad guy here and he was hurting me through his oath and its honourable for a man to get revenge when he has been slighted in this way this isn’t a movie so grow up and learn some lessons before you come and j udge me otherwise I wont help you when someone comes and hurts your heart and you want revenge on them.

Since things had by this point reached an all time low I decided to not mess around anymore and that I wouldn’t spare his family even the slightest bit of dignity for they hadn’t spared the slightest bit of mine because they always sided with mitch, which I can understand that  blood ties are strongest bonds but when youre wrong youre wrong and mitch is wrong so anyone who defends him is also wrong and that means his family. And I know I keep bringing up his family but that’s because everyone got mad at me because I did this but you know what? Its their fault, yell at them for being idiots don’t yell at me for going through all this trouble and pain to bring mitch down when he is CLEARLY WRONG.  Grapes called me petty I said thanks for the compliment but then he said “I did not say pretty” and so I looked it up and lets just say grapes hasn’t eaten in a week, if you catch the drift.

So I went and dove head first into that most personal of subjects: sex, and whoo boy. I think that pictures are worth more words than words so ill post the pictures (at least the ones that I had saved on my flash drive so I could turn all computer wallpapers into these pictures; a lot of the other ones were lost in the clown clud give me my money back, bozo!)

Anyway, after I did all of this a lot of people got really mad, and the hoys threatened to call the police and all kinds of stuff but I told them grisbee did it and I guess they just didn’t know what to believe. Anyway I didn’t get in trouble but I did find out after mitch hoy left for greener pastures that he was deaf and blind so sorry about that mitch. Before he left MY BOSS threw a “sorry about that Mitch” party and anywayThe people who always sat around him were Mexicans not Asians as I later would find out so they weren’t his family but they did say some nice things about him. ALSO his troll whore wife got up and said some things but then she also brought her husband up there with her and I thought she was cheating at on mitch at first but she was just Mitch’s caregiver her last name was Krupts not Hoy sorry Kathy! 

MITCH HOY IS MARRIED TO A TROLL TREE SEXING WHORE 

MITCH HOY

YOU ARE NOT SUPERIOR

 

An Old War

Initiated by me in accordance with State Law am initiated Breast Cancer Awareness Month – all residents are been forced to comply with harsh penalities imposed for the unaware designated cancer drones patrol the halls with clandestine harbinger data systems. For Your Information We have had an overall 95%success rate of raising knowledge of the breast cancer bacteria and we have been raising money to cure cancer but the money could be used for other things if we feel like it. Mostly the money goes toward funding the cancer drones. Also to be honest some of it has already been used to buy cigarettes sorry

These old folks are still adjusting to the very, very difficult and often confusing standards and practices for 

BCANCER AWARNIS (BE SCARED … BE AWARE) PS WE ARE NOW IN DEBT DUE TO CANCER DRONES!!!)

1. Every resident must dye his or her clothing pink and these are to be worn on their persons at all times. This signifies awarens of breast cancer and shoes, watches, hats, jewelry, undergarments, scarfs, wheelchairs, walkers, colostomy bags, oxygen tubes, oxygen masks, Halloween masks, facewear, any masks, diapers. , are all must be pink. We have big signs that are the size of a human boy and Step 2We have many cancerTips attendants available at the Home you may speak with one just find your nearest cancerTips agent and they will remind you about breast cancer and give you lots of knowledge, you can raise your awareness with cancerTits (did you know that pink is the color of a persons blood inflected with the B-Virus? :_D

2. Each resident is expected to participate in The Cancer Games like in that movie the Hunger game. Each day we stand in the blistering sun for hours to show Satan we reject his works with our highly resistant Bioskin (our skin covered in holy water) and we scream at our luminesiant god to heal us of our breats that are raging hard with cancor lumps

3. Find that Wolfen aka the Horror from the Old War which is that creature still lurking in the duct work, everyone check ur ducts for Wolfen

4. The goal is to be 100% aware of beast cancer 100% of the time, if you forget even once YOUR GONNA GET NAILED!!!

5. So far here were the only problems:

Wheels: was observed shouting at cancerTips attendant for stealing her “roller-snake”?? –See u in court Wheels

Wolfen:  this is that old man who was bitten by one of those pesky wolfs and he never wears any clothes so instead we decided to dye his fur pink and when we cornered and doused him in the pink paint he unleashed his inhuman screams scaring the residents and the pink beast crawled into the duckts, he carriers his cane in his mouth –Awaiting Capture

Grapefruit: “Don’t care about tit cancer” –Awaiting Trial

Yams: still missing from the residents evils days, assumed to be 100% UNAWARE OF BEAST CANCER, if found strict penalties to be inacted\



DesMerce: RIP

RIP DesMerce  

"Show us the meaning of hast"

No, the cancer drones do not understand human speech do not try to talk with them on your hands and knees pleading to the Sun God because the drones don’t care, they are in fact quite incapable of rational thought. If a drone gets stuck in your room please do not yell at it or hit it with your cane this will be seen as an act of aggression and the drone will scan each family photo in your room and add them to its internal membank and will get vapzed if they set foot on the premises, so also please hide all your photos to avoid getting vapzed. Instead ring your buzzer and the nearest drone associate will be buy to disassemble your drone and the reassembling process will begin over the course of several weeks. At any time if your drone wakens in its semi-unaugmented state, spins into a feral rage, overheats, vanishes, plays music, or simply explodes splashing its highly radioactive radjuice all over the place, use the emp grenade given to you DO NOT WASTE THE GRENEADE YOU HAVE ONE SHOT AND THEY ARE $300+ A PIECE AND WE SPENT A LOT OF MONEY ON THEM. USE THEM WISELY. DO NOT THROW THEM OUT OF YOUR WINDOW AT THE LITTLE CHILDREN WALKING THEIR PETS LIKE THAT TIME WITH THE MOUSETRAPS....

Remember that you do not have to donate any money to cancer research or actually even do anything at all really just important to think about beast cancer 100% of the time and feel really bad and its also about gaining Beast Points. The Beast Points System is a fun and interactive thing and will help you avoid an early grave if you get enough Beastpoints by letting staff know youre aware about beast cancer but its far easier to lose points than to gain them. If u kill the wolfen automatic 50 points credited. If you bring The Wolfen alive for testing you get 100 points, and so forth. If you maim the Wolfen that’s OK, just so as it is able to regain consciousness for the testing process, we will probably deduct a few points though. So as you can see the points are pretty crucial!!!!!

GET HIM HE ATE ALL MY CHEESEWHEEL

Happy Birthday Michael Jackson!

Happy birthday to the supper zombie michale  Jackson which is today and everyone should be pleased to know that you can get all his almubs for free on amazon.com today only folks, right here- amazon.com/freemichaelsongsclickhereforfreempegshappybirthd
                                                                                                                   

ay.com
Time to chronicle the live and times and greates achievments of the king of pop!

1980 Michael stars in the hit tv show puppy pal adventures about children trying to find their missing pups. who go missing one day and everyone learns about pet cemetery. “We were brave, laughed in death's face and are none the better for it. That man outside my door is not my father. ”-T. Bone Jacskon Member of Pupy pals

1987 Breakthrough performance by Michael J

1989 strenuous legal battle between mj and steven king over pet semetary rights. Future of pupper pals uncertain

(copyrite rise of theWolfsman)
1987 The original wolfsman

June 2005 - Michael is acquitted of murder great day for mj fans

                                            Blooper Reel


Some more great Micheal Jackson Pics!!!

                               

Happy Birthday Michael Jack!

EDIT: meant three year anniversary of your death not happy birthday sorry mike RIP!

Rainy Day

Hello everybody it has been a pretty crummy week weather wise, lots of rain and that means lots of hobo on hobo violence outside so as per protocols we've locked all the doors. Well as you can probably imagine that leads to some of our mor energetic nameless inhabitants getting unruly. I was in luck though because I found this webersite and it lets you cretae things for some gas station so they can go to Alaska and cut holes in the rocks or ice or whatever they have up there i dont know from the pictures it looks like lots of ice and water can anyone confirm if alasker is made of liquid water and then when the cold wind comes it freezes into a continent? I've never seen it and only just heard of it a few times I heard there's lots of people up there that freeze to death due to the cold water and wolfs that can walk on water or at least swim in it without too much trouble and when the summer comes the ice thaws and all the wolfs that were trapped in/under the ice are freed and some wolfs up there even life for thousands of years because they spent most of their time trapped in ice. anyway I wish I thought of the possibilities first because I guess there's lots of money to be made cutting holes up there

So everyone was bored and I decided to let them use my laptop and then they could all make ads for this thing so they could get their words out there into the internet which is alsmot as good as getting their words out there into the worldnet (real world) because I guess theres a lots of old people on the internet because of the way most people type and what they have to type about because I guess old people have lots of time on their hands or maybe they are just very good at typing i dont know; i dont want to stereotype old people I know thats not a fair thing to do to anyone because everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves in your eyes regardless of what similar people have rendered untoward you in the past (in my personal experience I have been issued several lawsuits by old people so its very hard for me to not seterotype them all) and maybe the old people outside this place are good typers because they spent years typing on typing machines during world ward 2. We even got a new resident this week, T. "Chicken" Jones, and he had a LOT to say about all this.

 Frisbee, ugh.

 T. Chickens JOnes

got this cool one in an email from "DJAM@yahoo.com" thanks Dj!

 'Nam vet

 T. Chicken Jones

 Theoden

 T. Chicken Jones

 T. Chicken Jones collaboration with that man who is fat and a tree (he is still alive I guess, somehow)

 WHEELS WAOOOOOO!

 Grisbee did this one

 Frisbee did this dumb dog one I dont know what an acrtit wolf looks like so i dont know

WHEELS DID THIS ONE SHE WAS THE WINNER! 1ST PLACE!

BSOX

so I was reading about black sniper ops xcore some scret stuff very professional there saw a bunch of vids on utube gguys running through some city and sneaks into this building right like all covert like okay hes now in the main room the lobby i guess and no one is around he thinks this is strange so he throws a flashbang and anyway the flashbang jacks up the camera real bad and you cant see anything but you can hear his 50 cal being dischaqrged, dogs barking children screaming exploding vid ends w someone simply saying "Oh."

oh i forgot to mention that there was a janitor near the end who screamed THIS IS A BANK THIS IS A SUNDAY, leading to the black sniper op xcore marine say "Oh."

                    BSOX (Black sniper ops Xcore) vindeo sekqual would be BSOX whenis honorably discharged from the marines because of his drinking problem very serious stuff so he goes to Great Britain to join the royl goard but first got ta must contend with his past so he also secretly goes around the country Bsox style, blowin up bars and liquor factories over their taking out the root of the problem, but at heart he'wass a good man he goes through all the training for the royal guard and really buffs up because of all that marine + royal guard training so all the girls want to dathim because what else do they have only a bunch of british guys going 'TALLY HO' who wants to deal with that? No one BSOX all he really wants is a cure to his disease and that cure is hist trusty 50 cal
and flashbags

It's also really cool that the janitor from BSOX 1 is following him and the janitor also has a drinking problem but to a much lesser degree than BSOX but still it's there sometimes we can all relate to our enemies at least in relative terms

well of course this is ver realy and serious just utub bsox itll be there he has many vidos i have seen the futore bsox is running through the cities again, running through britain and scotland and political chrina all of the homes and places he used to live and lay his head and then he comes at last to the bank and has horrible flashbacks and he whispers WHERE ARE YOU JANITOR WHERE ARE YOU but all things end and all janitors die with no regard for the world they leave behind them and so it was that valdez the janitor left the world confused and full of hatred this is my final mission he runs into the bank but now its full of people and the people look and bsox looks back and silence oh the silence and then the flash and the bang and in the morning the bank was still standing, alone for it was the lastbuilding on planet earth bsox had just saved the buildings from extinction at the hands of humans but such freedom carries a heavy price and so every person in that bank died. AND SO IT WAS THAT VALDEX THE JANITOR HAD DEFEATED THE BANKING SYSEM.

 May 1st. Redgaurd History Month

 

Roots

I've seen a lots of things in my days; puppies first opening their eyes on some misty August morning, homeless children fighting over a bag of trash, children losing a trash bag in the middle of the street, trash bags floating in the wind, a ghost child floating in the wind, ambulances, a very nice police man. I've seen tri snakes and bi snakes and just plain old snakes, I've seen old people come and go an, god, their names haunt me still.

But there was a time that I wasn't so adventurous or well travelled, a time before I got into this business, before I even knew about places for old people, and to be honset I knew so little of anything. Time passed, as it must, and each year left its own disfiguring scar upon my once undefiled figure, and slowly I  began to see.

It all began with them puppies I was talking about opening their little eyes for the very first time. It was a bitterly cold January afternoon. I was still but a little puppy opening my eyes for the very first time myself. The bridge above us groaned with traffic, but between this and the howling wind, I thing I remember hearing them dogs mew, and I was so excited, and no one was there but me and homeless Jim. These were his dogs (his dog was named Jomeless) pups, and I don't know where Jomeless was this particular moment but homeless Jim rubbed his hands together against the cold and snorted a whole bunch at these pups. He then reached into his tramp bag and pulled out some catnips and handed them to me and we sprinkled them over the pups and threw the plastic bag he kept the nips in into his trampfire (similar to a campfire but with homeless friendly materials and a barrel) and we waited for the nips to do their magic. We sat there in the shadow of that colossal bridge for a time, still waiting, and it began to snow. Homeless Jim jumped up and started hootin and hollerin, and took off his ratty bandana and started spinning it around over his head like a lasso doing some weird hobo dance. He kept this up for a while, getting louder with every other jump, and it he was just screaming and dancing and pointing at the snow shouting "YEEEEHAW YALL YEEEEHAW WE RICH!" And then, and I will never forget this, Homeless Jim looked at me straight in my eyes and stopped dancing. He stood there, trampfire throwing tramp embers into his beard and face, but he kept looking at me like he was surprised to see me even tho i had been standing there the entire time and I had even woken him up from his near death frozen slumber just a little time before this.

He crouched down behind the barrel,and every so often he would peek his head out to see if I were still there and upon seeing that I was would slip behind the barrel so quickly the barrel would shake and once I thought it would surely tumble ovre. After doing this  afew times he slowly rose to his feet, keeping the tramp fire between us, and, still looking me square in the eyes, lowered his hands deep into the barrel/ Flame clung to his beard and without a single indication of pain during this whole thing, he slowly brought his burning hands to his burning face and scowled as he screamed, "I RICH," and blew a couple of enbers in my general direction. He kept repeating, "I RICH, I RICH" and I dont think he blinked one time during this time. Them pups were going nuts now due to the nip, and in the distance, in the driving snow, I could see the tired silhouttes of a band of homelss peoples, coming for the puppies in order to complete the joining ceremony (every homeless person gets a dog thru the homeless ceremony it is actually very nice) but not wanting to have them believe I was there to steal their endless treasures, I left. Long after having left the shadows and groaning of that bridge, I swear I heard a man howling, "I RICH." To this day, I sometimeshear, carried on the wind, a scream quieted by distance and interference, but always I know what it says... "I RICH."


Some artits renders courteys of my good friend John Botchkins

KIBBLES OVER SYRIA

Hey folks this is an emergency post, Syria needs your help. As you might now, things in Syria aren't going to well and lots of people are put into a very difficult spots. I'm not a military minded man, so I can't just pick up my BB gun and go over and show them Syrians a thing or two about how to fight and show them stealthwerks tactics (if you are Syrian or any other type of person please feel free to use my previous stealthwerks tips as your country spirals uncontrollably into civil war as the great UN stands by and watches the horror with naught but an disinterested glare but please be honest about it and give the credits where they are do thank you and also remember that they might be dangerous to you as you have not undergone the intense trainings YOU HAVE BEEN FOREWARNED; I WILL NOT UPDATE NEW STEALTHWERKS TIPS AT THIS TIME I AM SORRY THANK YOU)

aNY how, I think it's time to try and reinstate the kibbles drive. Even though last time was a devastating failure, I said we'd get em next time well this is next time and the world needs your kibbles. I have an old (he's very old) friend who flew a crop duster once. Well I've been hard at work making my own crop duster fleet. That's not going too well because no one around here even has any kind of engineering degree or even a degree in math and most of us don't have a degree at all; also there is the metal shortage still going on because the homeless people out back have baried it all and are now camping out on top of that precious man-made metal deposit LOOK IM SORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING PLEASE LET THE PAST BE THE PAST AND LET ME DIG UP THE METAL SHEETS PLEASE. They also have stolen all of the mining picks so now the Twilight Undermine can't function and everyon'es on strike and I honestly am at my wits end about that. OTher than these issues it is going well and we have one cropduster. So now I just n eed your kibbles and bits, so we can load up that plane with tonnes of kibbes and one dusty old man and send him off to Syria to drop off some emergency care kibble packages to those who need it most.

Need FREE kibbles? Here you go!
http://www.freekibble.com/default.asp
Sned Syria your kibbles!