TWO THINGS BUT ILL KEEP THE FIRST ONE SHORT CUZ WHO CARES THE SECOND ONE IS VERY IMPORTANT
first thing first, shadow crisis is over no thanks to them national guard chumps. well maybe it was them I don't really know; all I know is things got bad fast and the shadows assaulted the compound with a pretty coordinated strike I was strangle proud of them for this. However, we were prepared and had several lines of defense.
Anyway they stormed the compound and broke through the first line of defense consisting of wheels and some other people I don't know. I never seen their faces before and didn't want to give them names because then I would be attached and well let's face it, one way or another these people had maybe two weeks at most and I just didn't want to deal with the heartbreak. This line was called "The Wisdom of Years," thinking that maybe wisdom was what would defeat these fiends. It lasted less than a minute; I kind of figured it would take the shadows at least a little bit of time to cross over the burning bodies (we filled the ENTIRE hallway with gas and closed all the windows and rigged Wheels chair to shoot sparks if it moved even a little. She moved I guess maybe two hours before the assault began, which wasn't entirely unexpected, so it was just a hallway of terror when the shadows came through the doors. Anyway they cross them bodies pretty easily.) Wheels has died for the second time, and I miss her just as much as the first time. What they say is true: it never get's easier. Love ya wheels.
And to the parents of those tiny babies, well, your babies needless sacrifice shall not be in vain. I took a few babies for myself for my baby armor and then threw the rest of them into this baby corral thing. We put up a bunch of them baby corral things you know them things you put your babies in. it's not a crib; its more like a dog pen but for babies. So your baby can roll it's ball around or something without peeing all over your floor, just that one isolated place so it's easier to clean up. You know the things. Anyway, I wrapped barbed wire around the corral and stuck some knives and nails through the plastic, and threw some snakes I found but I don't think they were poisonous but I put them in there anyway. This seemed to slow the shadows only a little tiny bit. This line was aptly named, "The Folly of Youth."
The third line was the most successful. It was called, "Pickett's Charge" for that Gettysburg battle cuz I expected it to fail pretty badly (frisbee was the 4th line and we were all dead if they reached that point). Anyway this line was full of automated defenses; turrets etc. I dont know where these things came from; fris came up to me and told me to follow him into the basement and then implored that I station these weapons of destruction right at the doors but that's not very strategic what if they storm the doors and knock the guns over? Not very useful then. Anyway i don't think the guns even did anything; i heard them go off a bunch but there were no shadow bodies so I don't know what this was all about but it's over so who cares.
Now for the good stuff: VIDEO GAMES REALISM.
Grisbee came down after the shadow assault was done and he asked me how my wallet was doing. "Good," I said, "If you consider being thrown into the garbage because it sickened me a good thing." He got pretty sad so I asked if he wanted to play some games and he, naturally, said yes.
Well this got me thinking about some other games I have been playing. I was talking to my one friend about this one game and maybe you've heard of it but anyway you drive horses around off of cliffs. Pretty cool concept, I said to myself at first, until I drove my horse off the cliffs and it just died and so did I? First, and I'm no scientist, but wouldn't the horse take all the gravity? So you would just crush the horse but you would be fine and could walk away? Not in this game. And the horse doesn't even explode. Like maybe not into a huge explosion (though I kind of expected it to happen at first) but wouldn't its blood and guts fly all over the place and cover the entire road? The horse weighs like 1800 pounds that's a lot of meat and that meat doesnt just slap against the ground after falling 200 feet; and if you take into account the horse taking all of the gravity, that's like an extra 200 man pounds on top of that horse. So the horse is hitting the ground at 2000 pounds per second and it doesnt even explode and I still die and don't get the meat? Some simple math and correct me if I'm wrong, but to find the force of impact you take the velocity multiplied by the mass. So, 80mphx 2000 pounds= 16,000 mph impact. For comparison, one ton of TNT explodes with 4.184×109 joules of energy
Below you will see my diagrams. the first is the setup; the second IS WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN. The third is what DOES happen in game, but keep in mind that the third diagram is slightly inaccurate as neither the horse nor you explodes upon impact.
Anyway, Grisbee puts in this game called Elder Schools: Oblivion. He has this magic user that I deleted because magic is witchcraft and I don't deal with witches at all or associate with people who even pretend to be a witch in any way. So I make a new character, a very stealthy charming man who is very good with a bow and dagger. Anyway I make my dude and I'm on my merry way. Well let me tell you guys something about this game. First, you can get glass armor. How is glass armor any good? It would break in like two seconds hey let me hit your glass armor with my tiny hammer and ruin you. At least that's what would happen in real life but not in this game. Also glass is pretty heavy I think so. And a glass weapon? Well I guess you can do that, but not glass arrows that's not even possible. Like how effective would they even be? Well I'm sorry about my glass rant that's not what it's really about... what it's really about is
STEALTH.
Now, stealth is something I've worked really hard on in my years. Stealth can get you out of (and into!!) some sticky situations. It can help you get some information not otherwise available. It's for these reasons that I have trained mybodily heavily in the art of stealthwerks. Everyone reacts differently when they know you just went into stealth. They start to check behind their shoulders, they pat their pockets and get all shifty eyed knowing they might be being watched. Show me the man who does not react when I go into stealth, and I will kill that man.
How stealth works
So why is it that in this game, I can go into stealth and no one even cares? Now, part of the training in stealthwerks is that you need to intentionally fail your stealth attempts during your training at some point. For me, this involved walking out into the middle of Boulevard of the Allies and going into stealth while in the middle of the street in the broad daylight. Have you ever tried to do something like this? Probably not, so you wouldn't know, but people react to it. For better or worse, everyone reacts. It's human nature, and if you don't react well then I have suspicions about some of your claims. Everyone reacts. that's the first lesson. Learn it; it's the only free lesson in stealth you'll ever get.
But in this game, you can go crouch in a corner and shoot arrows at windows as if to say, "I'm going to break into this establishment once I figure out this window" and no one even cares or even bats and eye! And then it gets dark and you stop caring about the window you go for the easy target, the door and you pick it with ease as expected and get your iron helmets. But where's the thrill? that's why I do it that's why I make these sneaky classes so that there's some risk but when you can just stealth right in front of a guy and he doesnt think it's a big deal well something is wrong. Now, I would get it if people were all walking down the streets all stealthed. If everyone was walking around crouched all the time shooting arrows at windows, fine. If that's the culture of the place, sign me up. But this is not customary for these people and it's these small oversights that ruin these games.
Overall I give this game a 7/10 i guess it might be pretty fun if you're a witch but if you want to be a stealthed man don't even bother. Oh you can become a vampire too I guess, but not a werewolf so that's 1 point off. Twilight really made werewolves acceptable in videogames and I think it's totally irresponsible to not have this option in the game for avid Twilight fans. 6/10.
That stuff above: Stealth shoes. Stealth glasses (they let you see stealthed planes and stealthed allies) and my favorite, hackers goo. It lets you hack stuff a little easier but you have to train for this stuff for years don't just try to get your hands on hackers goo you need to pass all the tests before they will give it to you and no I will not show you it in action so dont even ask me.
So then he asked what I felt like killing; like did I feel like killing some dragons or people or more horses. So I naturally said can I stealth into the dragons lair? And he said no, so we played call of duty.
All I have to say about this game is that everyone runs around with machine guns and silenced shotguns. No thanks. Oh and nerve gass too, somehow. And people just walk through it like no big deal, but no you. You walk through it and your nerves go all sorts of crazy (you go blind and slow down and everything just SUCKS im glad they banned this stuff in wars, but then why is it in this war? Idk just one of them little things that ruins immersion) and then you get shot with a shotgun with a silencer on it and some guy crouches on your body and then fires his gun into the air like I imagine Rebels do after they win a big battle all the while spinning around in circles as fast as he can. 5/10.
Another failed effort by CRAPCOM. Basically just pick up a Mario or zeldas game if you want to play a mans game this is just laughable. SUPERMAN 64 WAS A BETTER GAME OR THAT ONE ABOUT SNAKES IN THE DESERTE OR EVEN THE ONE WITH THE MAN WHO DOES THE BAD THINGS TO POKOHONTIS IN THE DESRT OR SUPER DESERT RAPE 64(THE WORST GAME) 
